Hutts and Recreation

12 Mar

This’ll only make sense if you’ve seen Parks and Recreation. If you haven’t, start with Episode 1.04- it takes a little while to get going but it’s become one of the funniest shows on television. I was also reminded of this.

If you haven’t heard already, a live-action Star Wars tv show is going to premiere next year. It will be terrible, and no amount of nerd wishes will make it otherwise. Here are several reasons why.

1.You can’t condense the grandeur and spectacle of Star Wars into a television budget, and then do it every week. Not even George Lucas has that much money. Well, he does, but he won’t spend it.

2. Tv shows live or die on the strength of their characters, and Boba Fett is a terrible character to base a show around (which is the rumour currently circulating).  He’s a great movie character because he shows up and kills people in awesome ways, but you can’t have a silent protagonist on television. And knowing George Lucas, he’s going to want you to know about his problems, which as anyone who’s had the misfortune of sitting through the prequels can tell you sucks all of the excitement out of an epic space adventure. Much like a vacuum. In space.

3. It’s totally possible to have an exciting show, with real characters, set in space, on a television budget.  Ronald D Moore knows how to do it, and already has. So has Joss Whedon. George Lucas has absolutely no idea, and based on his recent choices  he will employ writers who couldn’t write a compelling character to save their lives. Like Tim Kring.

The Star Wars Expanded Universe (or EU, the semi-official canon that explores the Star Wars universe largely outside the adventures of Luke Skywalker) is a massive body of work, with literally hundreds of books and comics written around it. Why not bring it to life on television? After years of using the awful Clone Wars series to fill in the gaps around the films, there’s increasingly little story to tell around the big events everyone’s familiar with. Now that he’s gone back to using original trilogy characters the audience will have expectations about the way those characters should behave that the show will never be able to fulfill.

So here’s a free pitch George, if you use it all I ask for is one 10,00th of your gross income: Set the show in the cheap end of Cloud City. Each week you follow the lives branch 447-stroke-9 of the Empire’s financial division. Disgruntled workers who get shit pay, no dental and get whooped at Krepla’k by the arrogant rebels who always tease them when they go to the bar for lunch on Casual Friday.  A Thorian kills their best barista, so they decide to get back at the Empire by using their accounting knowledge to siphon money out of the Death Star fund to become independent (and not to mention rich) shipping magnates.  It’s Office Space meets Parks and Recreation, in space.

I’d watch it.


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