The Continued Existence of Shit Like This

1 Feb

Naomi Robson tells women about an exciting new book called The Female Eunuch

Writing a blag-o-blag (or ‘internet ball towel’ as it’s called in conventional media) isn’t always fun. Sometimes, I have to mention things that are ugly, even downright unpleasant. Occasionally, these mentions can come off as derogatory, cheap shots at easy targets. This is one of those instances where criticism can resemble shooting fish in a barrel. And there’s only one fish. And the barrel is the exact physical dimensions as the fish.

Who could possibly take any of this seriously?  It’s so obnoxiously and offensively bland that it wrinkles the eyes, furrows the brow and produces the same smell as last paragraph’s fish left in the sun to die. What this show means (presuming it is a show and not a cruel, cruel joke on the ocular vessels of the entire country) is that there was a meeting where the following conversation more-or-less played out.

Executive One : There’s a gap in the schedule for a talk show.

Executive Two : What, like a Leno kinda thing?

One: No more of a daytime couchbound kinda deal. You know, pantsuits, serious topics.

Two: Gotcha

One: Minimal cheering, focus on topics that modern women really want to hear about. Sexuality and relationships-presented in a frank and honest manner.

Two: Love it! Who’s the host?

One: Naomi Robson.

Two: Is she on her own?

One: Nope, she’s also got these three guys.

I think guy on the right is referred to by his friends as 'haircut'

Why in the blithering blue fuck does this keep happening? This is why Australia is viewed as backwards. This is why the lights on Swanston Street don’t work any more. This is what compels Indian magazines to describe Australia as having ‘a dominant racist culture’. This is why pillows are lumpy. This is why you can only get peanut butter M&Ms in specialty stores. This is the whole reason why Keats said that you have to hate the place you grew up as a child , only to remember it fondly in retrospect.  If you want people to watch television again, set Naomi Robson on fire and have her roast slowly with garlic and fennel with 90 minutes a pound until crispy.


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